The Dusk Saga
by PitFTW
Summary: Of three things I was sure. First, Link was a unicorn. Second, there was some part of him- and I didn't know how dominant that part might be- that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
1. Chapter 1

The Dusk Saga

**A/N: This is a parody to prove to people that I am still alive. If you're wondering what's up with Guardians/Wounded/DC Smashers, all are being worked on as I speak. But seeing that I have band practice and all, they probably won't be released until Christmas at the earliest. Sorry. **

**Disclaimer: I own neither Super Smash Bros. nor Twilight. But I do own the flamethrower used to decimate the books.**

* * *

><p><strong>I. Dusk<strong>

My mother drove me to the airport at a rather early hour. She kept going on and on about how I, her beautiful, angelic, precious, porcelain daughter, would give up the sunny city of Hyrule Castletown for the horrid, dreadful, ghetto known as Smashville.

But she didn't understand the pain I felt. She didn't understand that if I went with her to horrible, horrible Castletown, with its happy inhabitants, rich neighborhood, and crime-free environment, I would be tortured beyond anything. She had made my tormented soul scream in pain when she married that horrible man who gave me $1000 for Christmas every year. She didn't understand how my tortured heart was ripped from my chest and eaten with a side of Tabasco when she said we were to move.

She didn't understand.

Not at all.

I was tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Snape kills Dumbledore.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Oh hey, that guy's cute.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

My name is Zelda Swan. And I am tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

I soon arrived in awful, dreary Smashville. I had opened my 7242092 page long book: "Extremely Boring Read that Only Dumb People Pretending to be Smart Would Read". Dad was talking to me about things that I didn't care about. The people here in Smashville are so dumb. I skipped ten grades at my old school.

But still, I am tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

It wasn't long before I arrived at my favorite class: lunch. I was sitting with a bunch of people that were obviously telling me I was beautiful because they thought I was so ugly. And speaking of my glorious ugliness, there were five guys surrounding me, touching me, stroking my hair, telling me they loved me. They all said how tight I made them in their pants, how honestly beautiful and smart and pretty and smart and not dumb and glorious and intelligent and radiant I am.

And then I saw him.

He was casually sipping a red smoothie and ripping into a live rat with his teeth. I gazed upon him and marveled at the glorious gold color of his eyes, the non-pointy-ness of his pointed teeth, and the glorious scent that reminded me of that day my ex ran around a mansion with a chainsaw and a mask made of leather. He was so god-like… he was Adonis!

I AM UNWORTHY!

His brothers were pretty hot too, I guess. There was this big guy with spiky blue hair and big muscles and this other guy with long hair that was blue too. I questioned their choice of hair-dye color for a moment before turning to the women at the table. One was swathed in a pink dress and was casually ripping out a student's throat. The other, who was dressed in a tight blue suit of sorts, was lazily tearing through a beating heart with her teeth. Both were blonde and all had eyes the same beautiful gold color as Adonis. And speaking of him…

He was looking at me! My heart dropped down to my stomach.

It proceeded to be digested.

I wondered what in the world could grant such gloriousness.

And then in Biology, he stared at me some more. And I stared back. He was glorious.

"I've been watching you sleep," he breathed. "And you showering… and changing… and going to the bathroom… and watching TV… and reading… and doing homework… and breathing… and blinking…" he tilted his head, showing off his gold locks, the color of his eyes. His extremely pointy teeth glinted at me. "Consider me your stalker…"

My heart- which was still in the process of being digested- fluttered in my tummy.

"I'm… Zelda…" I whispered.

"Link," he replied. Then, his face became anguished. "NO! WE CANNOT SOCIALIZE LIKE THIS! THIS IS BAD! BAAAAAD!"

"NO, LINK!" I cried, grabbing him. "We can make this work! We can-"

"Yes… yes, maybe we can make that work…" Link whispered. "Maybe… NO! IT CAN'T WORK! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEE!"

"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP AND WORK ALREADY?" the Biology teacher, Psyche screamed at us. "STOP WITH THE DAMN ANGST AND GET TO THE ACTION ALREADY!"

She didn't understand.

She was torturing me.

I was tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

Tortured.

"Hi, I'm Roy," an extremely hairy kid said. "Please wuv me."

"Tell me the legend of the werewolf!" I said. I had to know why I was having these weird dreams about Link. It wasn't like they were that different from normal dreams, though. It only involved him having pointy teeth and the ability to kill a bunch of people just by drinking their blood.

I didn't understand what it meant.

"Uh… you mean the thing where the vampires and the wolves just got into a disagreement over some chew toys?" Roy asked. "Because really, those chew toys were the wolves' first, and-"

"I GOT IT!" I shouted, leaping up. My heart, still in my stomach, beat faster as I conjured up Link's perfect, indescribable face.

"Got what?" Roy asked.

"Thank you, Roy!" I cried, slapping him and running away. "Now do me a favor and just sit there for the next two novels! I'm going to lead you on in the third!"

"… That bitch is so going to get date-raped."

* * *

><p>"I know who you are, Link," I whispered intensely. Did he find that hot? Most guys find intense whispers hot.<p>

Link gasped. "Impossible! I've hidden my true identity so well!" he picked up a car out of a parking space and threw it across the parking lot before pulling his truck into the now vacant space. He then pulled a student out of the nearest car and bit into his neck.

"But because I am so much more clever than most of the students here, I have figured out your identity!" I cried. I dragged him into the middle of the magical woods that had appeared right next to the school. In fact, I dragged him in so deep, that if I were to be somehow killed and left for dead by this god-like being, then no one would ever hear from me again. My father would probably die of guilt and dread, knowing that the last thing he said to his daughter was that I was the most beautiful, darling, perfect thing in the world.

But screw him.

"You… have pale skin…" I began, trembling. He leered at me with his golden eyes, extremely sharp teeth bared ferociously.

"Yes…?"

"You don't go out in the sun…"

He looked up from where he was rubbing sunscreen all over his chiseled white appendages. "… And…?"

"You have sharp… thingies…"

He looked up from filing his teeth. "… Okay?"

"And you abstain from eating…"

He pulled a squirrel out of his pocket and bit its head off. "So what's your point?"

"I'm saying that you're not human…"

He snorted. "Really now, Princess? So what am I?"

The camera zoomed in dramatically on my mouth.

"A unicorn…"

He spit out his squirrel head, gushing glorious blood and squirrel-gore all over me. "You're kidding me, right? A UNICORN?"

Of three things I was sure.

"You're kidding me, right? Please say you're kidding me…"

First: Link was a unicorn.

"This is getting increasingly awkward!"

Second: there was a part of him- and I didn't know how dominant that part might be- that thirsted for my blood.

"How many unicorns do you know drink the blood of SQUIRRELS? C'mon, Zel! Please tell me you're joking!"

And third: I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

* * *

><p>The next few days passed in pure bliss. I was in love, coupled with the fact that my boyfriend was a totally hot unicorn. I remembered how he oh so romantically watched me sleep, never let me talk to other guys, and took extra measures to make sure to ruin my relationship with my dad forever.<p>

One day, he grabbed my hand. "Z-Zelda… come with me… I'm going to show you here and now that I am no girly horse of doom…" with that, he placed me on his back and literally ran through the forest with the speed and grace of a gazelle with a giant load of weight strapped to its back.

We went deep into the woods. After a hundred yards, I could see a lightening in the trees ahead, a glow that was yellow instead of green. I hopped off his back, not caring that I stomped on his toes, and entered the pool of light, stepping through a fringe of ferns into the loveliest place I had ever seen.

The meadow was filled with flowers. But the beauty of such plants was forever daunted by the enigma of Link in the sun. Slowly, I turned towards him, my eyes alight with curiosity. His eyes were wary, reluctant. Link took a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the extremely dank glow of the horribly cloud-covered Smashville sun.

His skin, white despite the faint flush from the squirrels he was eating earlier, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, scintillating arms bare. His glistening eyelids, which I stalkerish-ly noticed were pale lavender were shut, but he wasn't sleeping. He was too perfect for that. He was a perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.

"Holy Crow…" I whispered. "You…"

"Don't I disgust you, Zelda?" he whispered, his face twisted with the typical teenaged angst. "Doesn't the fact that my bloodlust is what keeps me alive frighten you at all?"

"No, Link," I whispered. "I love you, my handsome unicorn boyfriend… I love you…"

"And I love you…" he whispered. Then his expression became pained, filling with even more angst that before. "NO! I'M A MONSTER! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"NO, LINK!" I cried. "I want to be with you forever! I love you!" I kissed him.

"I don't deserve you!" he kissed me back.

"I don't deserve _you_!" I kissed him back.

"I love you!" he kissed me.

"I love _you_!" I kissed him.

"What do you see in me that makes you wish to have me so?" he hugged me, kissing me on the neck.

"What do you see in _me_ that makes you say I am such a wonderful, exquisite, nice, all around perfect person?" I asked, sobbing.

"Don't ever leave me!"

"Don't ever let me go!"

"STAY AWAY! I'M A MONSTER!"

"NOOOOOO!"

"Zelda, I want to be with you forever!"

"Link, take me away from here!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME FOREVER, ZELDA! YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME! I'M A MONSTER!"

"Stop complimenting me, Link! I am not perfect! I am not beautiful! I'm not smart! I'm the most plain person ever!"

"OH, ZELDA!"

"OH, LINK!"

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

Charlie Brown found a dinky little tree for Christmas.

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

I kissed him.

Snape killed Dumbledore.

He kissed me.

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

"Uh… hi," another unicorn guy standing at the edge of the meadow said. "My name's Ganondorf and I'm the villain in this bo-" his head was ripped off by Link.

"Does that not disgust you? You should find someone else to be with, someone who won't crush your heart in your ribs!"

"NEVER! You're mine and you'll always be mine, Link!"

"I FREAKING LOVE YOU, ZELDA SWAN!"

"DON'T EVER LEAVE ME, LINK CULLEN!"

* * *

><p>"Aren't we ever going to get in on the plot?" one of Link's sisters- the tall one in the blue body suit whose name was Samus- asked, completely annoyed.<p>

"Of course!" Link's sister in the pink dress whose name was Peach answered. "Why, in the next chapter! Because… IT'S THE TALE OF THE EVIL BLOOD THIRSTY UNICORN PEOPLE VERSUS THE SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME POKEMON THINGIES OF DOOM!"

"Is this piece of shit story over yet?" Link's taller brother asked. "I wanna get the Hell outta this stupid make-up!"

"Of course not, Ike!" Link's lither brother, Marth, chided. "We still have… SEQUELZ!"

* * *

><p><strong>Book One: Fin.<strong>

**A/N: … Kill me now. I am on crack.**


	2. Chapter 2

**II. The Celestial Body that's all Dark and Stuff**

"Happy birthday, Zelda!" Link's sister- the one wearing a pink dress- cried.

"Who the heck are you?" I asked. She was gloriously radiant, with her snow white skin that simply scrintillated in the sunlight. Golden locks poured down her back like a waterfall, which caused me to wonder what it would be like to drown in hair.

I made a mental note to try that later.

Her eyes- a gorgeous gold color like her brother's- blinked in surprise. "I'm Peach, of course! You must have missed me because you were too busy making out with Link!"

I looked up from where I was making out with Link. "Sorry, what was that?"

"… Just open the present," she said sadly, tears staining her cheeks. They colored said cheeks brown and made them look like she had decided to smear cow poop all over her face.

I made a mental note to try doing that later too.

I looked down at my present, with its extremely bright pure gold wrapping paper and its solid platinum bow. I couldn't help but wonder why people kept complaining so much about the present economic conditions when it was quite obvious that these unicorn people could afford such wondrous trinkets. For a moment, I paused to consider how tortured I was. It was so, so torturous knowing that this day, I was one year older than Link was before he was turned.

He had told me that it was best that I lived out my human life. But I, after living through the 18 long years of my life, already knew what I wanted. I wanted to be young forever, just like Peter Pan. Except I would be a girl, a blood thirsty unicorn, be unable to go out in the sun, not run around in a green toga thing, not be able to fly, and not be a three dimensional character.

But other than that, I would be just like Peter Pan.

I greedily dug into my present, ignoring the screams of a thousand starving children. Out of the now completely devastated wrapping paper I pulled out a box made out of pure sapphire. From out of that box, I pulled out a box made out of pure ruby. From out of that one, a box made out of pure diamond. Finally, after I had finished removing only 1,800 more boxes of precious stones, I pulled a necklace out. It was an utterly pathetic thing, worth only about seven-eighths of the money in the world and studded with only one million of every precious stone found on earth. It was so pathetic that I could not help but thing how truly tortured I was for having to accept such a cheap gift.

"What is this?" I demanded. "It looks like my grandmother puked on it and then you guys ran it through with your sparkly unicorn horns!" I threw the necklace into a furnace. "I do not deserve such a gift!"

"SHE LOVES IT!" Peach squealed. "I knew it!"

"To make up for the fact that your million-dollar presents are so utterly pathetic, I demand you bring me my cake!" I snapped. "I'm so hungry, I could eat an Octorok!"

The entire family gasped. For it was well-known that, although they enjoyed the blood of animals, there was just something about the blood of people who make CD-I references all the better. But while Link and most of his unicorn family were able to hold the bloodlust back, it was Marth, his girly-looking brother whose backstory was ten times as interesting as mine, that finally snapped.

"THE CDI REFERENCE! MIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" he roared as he lunged for my throat. I stood there and watched as his deadly unicorn horns in his mouth gleamed at me. But I soon snapped back down to earth as Link grabbed him by his long blue locks.

"RUN, ZELDA!"

And thus I ran. I didn't stopped. Not even when my chest heaved. Not even when my heart was bursting out of my chest. Not even when I felt like I was to die. Not even when I so desperately wanted to run back and tell Link how sorry I was, but was too lazy too. Not even…

"ZELDAAAAAA, YOU… ran a whole foot away from my house."

"YES!" I said happily. "A whole new record!"

Link grabbed me by my upper arms, his corpse-scented breath lingering in my nostrils. "Zelda… there's something I have to tell you…"

I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked into his topaz eyes. "Yes, Link…?"

He closed his eyes. "I… I'm gonna show you a magic trick!" he shoved me away from him and began pulling a ton of stuff out of his pants. How he managed to fit all of it down there I never understood.

"Okay, okay, ready?" he asked, waving a magic wand around.

I nodded. "Yes!"

"Alright! One…"

I clapped my hands in joy.

"Two…"

My heart skipped about 3.14 beats.

"Three…"

Snape killed Dumbledore.

"Poof! You're single."

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK! LIIIIIIIIIIIIINK! LIIIIIIIIIIIINK! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Zelda, c'mon, it's been like… ten seconds…"

"I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM! I'LL DIE WITHOUT HIM!"

"Oh c'mon, Zelda! Look alive! Why don't we—"

"I AM DEAD, THEREFORE I CAN'T BE ALIVE! WAAAAAHHHH!"

"Um… what grade did you get in Biology?"

"I GOT A Z MINUS! I GOT BETTER GRADES THAN YOU DID! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"… Right…"

Roy didn't understand the pain and the torment I felt. He didn't understand what it was like to live knowing that every second I was away from Link, another part of my soul would jump out of my ear and make a Horcrux out of some random blades of grass. He didn't understand what it was like that moment when it was revealed that Snape killed Dumbledore and that the people in Lost were merely dreaming. He didn't understand at all…

I stood up. "At least… at least I'll always have you…"

He smield at me. "That's my girl, Zelda. No need to rely on some sick unicorn bastards to—"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I MISS MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!"

He blinked. "… Hey look at me, I'm a were-Pokemon!" he turned into the most horrid beast ever seen. It was so horrendously hideous that I was at once horrified by his horribleness and his absolutely terrible terribleness that sent shivers of fear and tremblingness down my spine.

A Pichu.

I gasped. "OH NO!"

The trees gasped. "OH NO!"

Somewhere, Link gasped. "OH NO!"

"OH YEAH!" the Kool-Aid man cheered.

Roy changed back into his human form. "Don't you see, Zelda? I can protect you… I can care for you… I won't make your relationship so abusive…"

"I'll think about it," I told him. "For now, I'm going to go jump off a cliff in hopes of hearing my boyfriend's voice! BYE BYE!" I took off.

It was long until I found a cliff. It was a nice cliff. It sparkled like Link did in the sun. It reminded me of Link, in fact. The only differences was that it was a cliff. But other than that, it reminded me oh so much of my beautiful unicorn ex-boyfriend.

I jumped off it, straining my ears for his voice.

"I like milk," it said.

Then I passed out.

When I opened my eyes, Roy was standing over me. His eyes were moist. "Oh Zelda, thank Goddess! I thought I lost—"

"Let's do that again!" I said happily, shooting up in bed. He shook his head and pushed me down.

"No… Zelda, you don't understand… my relative/friend/cousin/brother/father/whatever is dead. His name was Harry Clearwater."

"HARRY POTTER IS DEAD?"

"What? NO! Harry—"

I kept sobbing. "NOOOO! HARRY POTTER IS DEAD! DEAAAAAD!"

"… Right. I'm just going to go downstairs and take off my shirt. Laterz."

I watched him go, feeling even more alone than ever. Ever since Link and his family left, he had been the last thing that kinda mattered in this world, other than cookies and milk. I began sobbing, wondering if I would ever see any of Link's family ever again…

"HI ZELLIE!" Peach said as she popped up next to my bed.

"Well that took you long enough!" I snapped. "I had to endure five whole minutes of Roy have his shirt off!"

"Well excuuuuse me, Prin—"

"Whatever. Why are you here and why did it take you so long to get back?"

She tapped her chin with a finger. "Well… we kinda moved to Italy. And then Link tried calling you, but Roy answered. And Roy made it sound like you were dead, only it looks like you weren't, and you haven't been paying attention to a word I've been saying have you?"

I looked up from where I was drooling over "Link and Zelda Scrapbook #9001". "Sorry? What was that you were saying?"

Peach grabbed my hand. "No time to explain! We need to get you outta here and to Italy before Link reveals his sparkliness to the world and kills himself!"

I gasped. "Will the High Unicorn Council execute him for his betrayal?"

"WORSE!" Peach cried. "He will be denied his cookies for the rest of eternity!"

"Oh no!" I gasped.

"Oh YEAH!" the Kool-Aid man said.

One road-trip to Italy later, I saw Link atop the balcony of some kind of huge tower thing, ready to take off his shirt to the world. I couldn't allow him to do that! He was totally stealing Roy's gimmick!

"Look upon me now, world! LOOK AT MEH!" Link shouted as he started removing his shirt to reveal his hot abs to the world.

"NO, LINK! NOOOOO!" I cried as I tackled him. "You can't take off your shirt! You're totally stealing Roy's gimmick!"

"Then I shall remove my pants instead!" Link cried dramatically.

"No, Link! You'll cause the deaths of a million fangirls!" I sobbed.

"Then I'll-"

"Excuse me, but you guys have to fear us now," a random vampire unicorn said. He looked like a giant penguin with a giant hammer and a giant crown and a giant robe and an extremely tiny brain. On either side of him was some fat guy with a moustache and some other fat guy, only he looked like a dragon. All of them were kinda sparkling.

"I am Wario, leader of the vampires!" the moustache guy declared.

"I am Bowser, the other leader of the vampires!" the dragon thing said as he sparkled evilly.

"And I am King Dedede, the leader of the leaders of the vampires!" the penguin laughed. "FEAR US FOR WE ARE YOUR MASTERS!"

Link gasped. "YOU! How did you find us here?"

"We smelled pretentiousness!" Wario said.

"That and let's face it, you're a freaking lighthouse, Link," Bowser said bluntly. "Now, on to a more important subject." he pointed a fat yellow sausage at me. "YOU SHALL DIE!"

King Dedede whacked Bowser, then turned to us. "Yes, yes, indeed. You see, fellas, since no mortal is supposed to know about us vamp-"

"UNICORNZ!" I shouted.

"… Right… anyways, since no one is supposed to know, either you make her one of us or we kill her."

Link's jaw was agape. "Isn't that a bit drastic?"

"Of course not! We do it all the time!" Wario said as he grabbed some random non-unicorn girl, bit her neck, and proceeded to eat her alive. He did all of this while still standing on the balcony.

"So, all you have to do is turn her into one of us or we'll kill her. Simple choice, no?" King Dedede asked.

"... No… it's not that simple…" Link said quietly, angst dripping from his ears. "It's _never_ that simple! NOTHING IS EVER SIMPLE!"

After one heck of a dramatic, yet hot scene involving Link ripping off his shirt in sheer angst, we went home. I made it quite clear to him that I too wished to be a unicorn, just like him. After all, I was quite sexy and subtle about it too.

I wrote it in red marker all over the plane.

When we got home, Roy was waiting for me. He walked towards us, looking quite pissed off. That and his shirt was off.

"Zelda…" Roy hissed. "You… you…"

"I know, Roy," I sobbed. "I know you don't want me to be with him! But I love him, Roy! Surely you must understand!"

"What? NO! I'm mad at you because you didn't stick around long enough for me to reveal the biggest plot twist EVAR!" he removed his shirt, which just so happened to look like his naked chest, and started huffing and puffing.

I watched in horror as hair spread out all over his body. As his sweet face, once so full of kindness and happiness, became fierce and angry. Electricity crackled, the earth split open, and sparkles rained down from the sky. A huge cloud of dust appeared, obscuring my hairy best friend completely. Thunder and lightning ripped through the skies. I was both defeaned and not defeaned all at once.

Finally, the dust cleared…

"LE GASP!" I cried. For there, in the place of my best friend, was perhaps the most horrific beast to ever walk the earth!

A Pichu

"DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!" Roy proclaimed. Then he blinked. "... Wait a minute! I did this earlier and you didn't say anything!"

Link grabbed my arm and pushed me behind him, eyes narrowed in hate. "YOU! Your kind are not welcome here! Go home!"

"Not welcome here? YOU GUYS aren't welcome here!" Roy said angrily. "Those chew toys were TOTALLY ours! … That and I like Zelda and want to save her from being eternally damned… But the chew toys come first!"

"No!" Link cried. "I refuse to allow you to claim your chew toys!"

"Well, let's have a third party in this, shall we? Zelda! Who deserves the chew toys more?"

I had to make a choice. A choice between the man I loved and my best friend. They were fighting over me… ME! I wanted to rip my hair out from the fact that I was so eternally tortured. But I had to choose. I had to choose between my lovely unicorn and my Jigglypuff best friend.

"… Why should I choose you?" I asked Roy.

"… Well, for one thing, I'm an actual animal thing of some kind, and-"

"No, no, no! Not the chew toys! Let's talk about ME!"

"Uh… well… I care for you, I believe in your happiness above all, I'm not that angsty, and I'm a three dimensional character."

He was pretty good. But I had a feeling that Link would be better. I turned to him and asked the same question.

He stared at me.

"He wins," I said.

"What? But-"

"No 'buts', Roy! Link is the one I love! Link shall be the one I shall spend eternity with! Link is-"

"No, I meant the chew toys! What would HE do with the damn chew toys?"

"I hope that we can still be friends, Roy… I really want us to continue being friends even though I'm dating your mortal enemy…"

"Are you kidding me?" Roy asked, mouth agape. "THIS MEANS WAAAAAAARRRR!"

I blinked. "… Okay, that's cool."

"… Thousands of people will die for you," Link pointed out. "Whole cities shall be levelled in your name…"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, wanna make out?"

"… I rest my case," Roy said. "Literature is now and forever ruined."

* * *

><p>"Okay, can I get out of this make-up now?" Link's brother, Ike, asked.<p>

"No, Ike!" Marth said happily. "Don't you see? We have TWO MORE BOOKS!"

"I can't wait for the next one!" Peach squealed. "So much angst in the next one! We'll have angst coming out of our ears. Angst up our noses! Angst shall become the next chocolate!"

A gunshot was heard as Samus "accidentally" discharged her plasma gun into her own skull.


End file.
